I’ve heard that the key to a healthy marriage is separate bathrooms. I don’t know how true it is but you can bet that I was pretty happy when we moved into our current apartment and it had two bathrooms. For the most part, I’ve found that it works really well for us. I don’t need to know what goes on in his bathroom and he doesn’t need to know what goes on in mine. Y’know, it’s always good to keep a little mystery in the relationship.
Lately though I’ve noticed my husband disappearing into my bathroom only to emerge just a moment later. That’s odd, I think. Not enough time to use the toilet but what else could he be doing in there? So the other day when I saw him duck into my bathroom, I decided to investigate. What I saw was horrifying. He was using my deodorant!
Ok, so maybe you don’t understand my horror. Maybe you think I’m overreacting. But here’s the thing about men and their underarms (and yes, I realize this will be a generalization but it’s probably also true): they are very hairy and very sweaty. Just the thought of using the same deodorant that’s been all up in my husband’s hairy, sweaty armpits makes me gag a little. It’s not that I don’t love my husband and all of his accompanying body parts, it’s just that certain things shouldn’t be shared.
His explanation was that he ran out of deodorant and because I seem to do most of the household replenishing (why is this? I have no idea…I only know that if I don’t do it, we’ll end up using paper towels as toilet paper and brushing our teeth with a bar of soap) and wasn’t aware that he needed more deodorant, he’d just help himself to mine.
On a related note, my husband has decided it’s perfectly fine to just open the door to my bathroom when I’m in it. He’s done this twice in the past month and I have no idea why that boundary is currently being crossed. I have a strict no-witnessing the other on the toilet policy (see above about maintaining mystery) and he seems determined to break that policy.
So here’s what I’ve determined: the key to a healthy marriage may be separate bathrooms but the key to a truly healthy marriage is separate bathrooms with impenetrable locks.